PDG goes to Hogwarts
by Le Chat Qui Garde La Lune
Summary: Written for my friends in Philosophy class, but can be read by anyone. Quite a humorous little ficlet about rabid fangirls at Hogwarts :)


Philosophy Discussion Group Goes to Hogwarts

The Long awaited (but yet firstly written) sequel to Chamber Music Connection goes to Hogwarts! (how'd I manage that)?

The usual disclaimers, no characters belong to me, they belong to the respectable creators of Harry Potter, Fushigi Yuugi, and Diana Wynne Jones (Chrestomanci & Howl's Moving Castle) 

****

Only my friends are victims to my evil imagination!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A/N: For my ff.net and Schnoogle readers, you should be very, _very_ afraid. Ignore the author's notes the ones in [brackets] because only my friends at school will understand them. :) 

****

VERY IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ

Also, jokes about Matt, Molly (Mahly), figs, Helle purple, Serpentina, etc, danish chicks, dropped soap, Jackie Chan and Chili Beans, Pamela Anderson (DABOOM!) The Moose, Moose Man, The Anonymous Violin Player, Evil Pentagram Lady, Imaginary Friend Girl, smoking weed in Megan's front lawn etc, etc. Are inside jokes, and probably will not be understood. 

Why are you reading anyway? You should quit while you're ahead! Why I'm posting this, I'm not even sure!

Too bad, You're now a victim of my addictive plot!!!!! BUWHAHAHAHA! 

Read on! ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Isabelle stood up in the middle of Philosophy class and cleared her throat. She winked at Jocelyn knowingly and then called attention to the class.

'In my recent trip to Britain.' She started. Oh how was she going to do this without laughing? She couldn't look at Jocelyn that was for sure. 

'I picked up this intriguing object.' She finished. A slight smile playing at her lips. She looked at the clock. 11:59, she had to hurry. 

'It's said to hold some sort of ancient magic. Sort of like a portkey in the Harry Potter books. Come on now. Lets all stand around and touch it at the same time. As they did so she made a mental note of the people there. Jocelyn, good she could help the others. She had already been there with Isabelle at CMC. Heather, Katherine, Helle, Leili, Ellen, Megan, Jenna, Matt, Molly and Miss Tederous. Ok that was fine. Suddenly as the dials on the clock turned to 12. They all felt a pulling sensation, like a hook tugging from behind their navels. As the classroom melted away all Isabelle could think about was how much trouble she would be in when they came back home. 

'Um Isabelle?' asked Miss Tederous

'Yes?' Isabelle answered

'What the heck did you do to us?! This is a castle!'

An evil smile flickered across Isabelle's face. 'Oh don't worry Miss Tederous. This is only a dream. A strange dream where you can actually feel things, but a dream all the same!

'Ok Isabelle! What shall we do first?' Heather asked

'Find Sevvy.' Said Isabelle simply. A dreamy expression crossed the girls faces. 

'Ok Let's go!'

'You don't mean…?' Leili asked, incredulous. 

'Yes Leili! This is Hogwarts. Come on we've got another set of twins to find!' Isabelle said knowingly. 

'I hope the password to Gryffindor Tower is the same.' Isabelle muttered to Jocelyn.

But Jocelyn wasn't there she was off talking fluently to herself. If you listened carefully you just might have made out the words. 'Hope….Kyle….returned…..apron….house-elves….BILL!

Isabelle shook her head. That girl has gone absolutely 'round the bend. Almost as much as I have…

Later in Dumbledore's office Isabelle was speaking to Dumbledore. 

'So if I understand you correctly your red-headed twin friends Helle and Leili are seeking a certain other pair of Gryffindor red-heads.'

'Yes sir, the other twins, Fred and George.'

'Your friend Jocelyn whom I remember from last time wishes to seek Bill, and wants to know if the aproned guy Kyle is still here in his apron with the elves.

'That's correct.' 

'And you and this young lady Heather wish to speak to Professor Snape…why?'

'To give him a gift sir.' Isabelle smiled dreamily. 

Dumbledore chuckled lightly. 'Anyone else you wish to see?' 

'Ron sir! You know, before he gets too much besotted with Hermione.'

Dumbledore smiled, I understand.

'And, if it could be arranged, Professor Lupin again if you please, sir. And Sirius Black!'

'So tell me Isabelle do any of these ladies seek these young men for any romantic involvement.'

Dumbledore smiled knowingly.

'Um no Dumbledore sir, _Really_.' Isabelle said turning 'Helle purple' as it is sometimes called. 

'Oh yes sir, one other thing.' Isabelle asked, 'Would it be possible to get Howell Pendragon-Jenkins over here?' Ellen and I so admire him…'

'It's possible that could be arranged. He is a Welsh wizard after all….'

'Ok, ok! And if it's possible too sir, Hotohori, and Tasuki, and Chichiri, and Mitsukake, and Amiboshi, and Suboshi, but not Nakago, that stupid Gay Viking Nazi...and a Chrestomanci from the Chant line, if you please? A younger one, maybe eighteen or so, with several lives, they _do _tend to run through them...'

Isabelle asked as she got a stern reminder from the voices in her head.

'Now now my dear, this is not turning into a crossover fic!' Dumbledore informed her.

'All right, all right…'

As Isabelle stepped out from behind the stone gargoyle she was accosted by her friends. 

'What did he say? Can we see them huh, huh?!' 

'Yes, yes of course.' 

'What is this place, where are we?' Matt asked.

Isabelle turned towards him unable to refrain from grinning evilly (have you noticed she's done a lot of that? Grinning I mean.) She had been waiting for this moment.

'This, Matt Is Hogwarts.' Seeing his blank expression Isabelle sighed exasperatedly. 'You know the castle boarding school? From Harry Potter?'

Hearing the words "Harry Potter." Matt's ears perked up. 'Harry Potter? That book is against Christianity! It promotes witchcraft and is completely immoral and against a good Christian, conservative man's ideals.' 

The girls rolled their eyes and moved on. This left Matt talking fluently to a wall (A/N: add in 'tree' instead of 'wall' and you'll get the sentence in the 4th HP about Mr. Crouch Sr.) It didn't matter that he was talking to a non-existent person though. He'd practiced enough with Mercedes for the Speech competition. He didn't need to make eye-contact to debate an issue, even if it was one-sided.

After the girls had walked for a couple of minutes they realized that they had lost Molly.

'Mahly, Mahly where are you, Mahhhllllyyy?' They called.

'I'm afraid I have some bad news for you girls. But your teacher, who is it? Miss Tederous, along with the girl you cal Mahly but I thought was Molly, and the insane person who thinks that we don't exist have gone home. 

'This ROX!' Ellen and Isabelle said together. Everyone else looked at them strangely. They obviously hadn't read the Sugar Quill contest fics…

'Isabelle help me! I am so in love with your friend Helle. What do I give her as a present to show for her my undying love?' Isabelle whispered in Fred's ear and he nodded. 

'Ok! Let me go ask the elves.'

Everyone's ears perked up at the word elves and they all said in unison. Elves? LEGOLAS?!!!!!' 

Isabelle shook her head to get her thoughts in order and then realized the horrible truth. 'No no guys, he means House Elves, not the other kind, sorry.'

'Oh no!' They said disappointedly.

Fred came back much sooner than expected. 

'How's this?' He asked Isabelle.

'Uh Fred? That's a plum…' 

'Oh, oops, ok. What am I supposed to get again.' Helle was listening intently so Isabelle had to whisper this time.

'Ok, I see. Be back in a flash.' 

He came back the next time with a date.'

How's this?' He asked Isabelle

'You idiot! She bellowed. That's a date! You want A FIG!'

'Aren't they the same thing?' He asked confusedly.

'Oh…' This left everyone thinking for a few minutes.

'Well, I appreciate the gesture!' said Helle, trying to salvage the situation. She was still gloating over the fact that Fred tried to give her a fig. 

It was about then that Dumbledore came to tell the girls that all of their bishounen were waiting for them in the Great Hall. Then came the great, mad rush as all of the girls tried to squeeze themselves down the Grand Staircase and into the Hall. 

They all paused as the door though, for several seconds, in amazement at seeing all of their bishies! Then they all screamed loudly and set out for their individual guy at a mad run.

Needless to say, the bishounen were very, _very_, scared. As they rightly should have been.

If you weren't deaf yet, you might have been able to hear...

'Oh Sevvy-poo! That's what I call you, you know, Sevvy-poo!' At this, Severus was backing away nervously. Luckily for Heather, all of the men had been ordered not to use magic on any of the girls, or she would have been a bouncing ferret quicker than you could say "Malfoy's a snot" 

Meanwhile, Jocelyn was wandering the kitchens calling, 'Kyle? Bill?' The girl's glare turned murderous. 'JULIE?'

'No, no Julie here." Said Bill. 'Kyle left with her.' 

'Oh, Kyle's gone. :( Jocelyn said disappointedly. 

'Don't worry, he said he'd be back.' Bill told her. 'But, while he's gone care to snog?' Jocelyn looked taken aback. But then she saw Bill's fang, and the sexy cock of his eyebrow, and started to reconsider.... 

[A/N: Jocelyn, who has never done anything spontaeneous in her life!!!!]

Helle and Leili were giggling madly at something the twins said, and were looking very pleased with themselves after having refused a sort of pastry 

Fred and George looked taken aback when Leili called it a 'canary cream'

'It hasn't even been tested yet!' said George in amazement.

At that Leili looked very smug.

Back to Heather....

Now, If Severus thought that he was scared when he first met Heather, he was very, very wrong to think that things would get better...[of, course, it WAS, Heather after all!]

[A/N: Heather, don't HEY! Me, read on!!!]

[And Megan, don't laugh, you're just as bad!!!]

'Oh!' She said suddenly. 'I'm carrying you're baby! Isabelle named it Serpentina, 

[Oh yes, this is from Serpentina's fic, which is, by the way, one of Heather, Jocelyn, and my absolute favorites! It's on my favorites list, go read it!!!]

of course it's not due yet, but...' Heather was saying.

Now Severus was both very afraid, and suspicious. 

"But, how?' he asked.

Luckily, (Sailor) Isabelle was there to save the day! 

She grinned evilly (again) and said wickedly, 'But Severus, you have to remember, we come from the future!'

Severus turned a nasty shade of green, and then white.

'You mean, I, I...'

Isabelle left them to sort it all out.

That's all for now folks, some later...maybe. It took me ½ a year to update this much!

Wait, thought Isabelle, there's something wrong with this math! Currently, at home we are in the year 2002. But if this is the Triwizard Tournament, and Harry was born in 1980 then we should be in 1994! Yuck, the 90's return! (Oh, God, the horror!) And I am…7 years old. Back home in the U.S… how scary! 

****

KATHERINE, I LOVE YOU!!!! 

Even if you are a Freshman, you're the coolest of the bunch! Anyone who can play anime music on their violin (or any other instrument) is AWESOME! And I thought I was the only one...;)


End file.
